chapter 12- School Run Mum

Diets!! Everybody has their own opinion on them. I have a few myself. My latest one is they’re all rubbish. Healthy eating and exercise is the best way. I am on a weight lose race with Grant, first one to loose seven pounds gets….. Hey, we never decided on the prize!! Pass me a doughnut!

We are keeping track on the board in the kitchen, mine is a steady decrease, I have lost 3 lbs so far, grants looks like a mountain range! Up and down! I don’t want to get to ahead of myself though, I am fully aware as I wade through the murky journey of weight lose, there will be many pitfalls. Namely, chocolate, cakes, bread……ohhhhhhh.

I really have to focus. I need to get into the zone, I need to get my gym mind back in gear, I need chocolate!! No, no i don’t. Oh, the argument that is going on in my head! I make a final decision. I do not, I state, do not, need chocolate. I go into the kitchen and make a Hot Chocolate. What??? That’s not real chocolate. Grant comes in

“You know you’re going to have to stop drinking so many of those don’t you?”

“Yes!” I reply somewhat offended by the remark. As if I wasn’t capable of understanding what ever I put into my body will generally stay there!

“And you’ll have to stop eating all the rubbish you eat!” comes my feeble retort.

“Not really that much, I exercise more than you!”

Although you can’t hear it, I have indeed inhaled half the air in the kitchen, in what comes out as an almighty gasp. Bit dramatic, I’ll agree, didn’t mean it though, I had sipped a bit of my drink just before and it was HOT!!.

With the challenged laid bare on the kitchen counter, I decide with even more passion to take it up! It’s definitely on now!!

Ok, that was 2 weeks ago; I am back to my original weight! I blame Grant. No reason, I just blame him.

So, while I’m in Pizza Hut, I decide to have liposuction. Tally the finances. Not an option! Rubbish. I eat a slice of the deliciously fluffy, deep pan pizza, with all that barbeque sauce, and chicken, and peppers, and red onion, and cheese, and….. ok I have to stop. I look at Imogen, she look at me and says

“If you put a straw into it, it just magic’s into your mouth!”

“That’s amazing, what will they think of next?”

This magic thing she is talking about is a straw, which is in her drink!! And when she sucks on it, it magic’s into her mouth!! Pizza Huts rules! I love the thought patterns of kids. It’s starting to get busy in, and Imogen is talking away, about her day, she’s been to Pre School this morning. Suddenly a child screams, and makes me jump. I realise Imogen is looking at me expectantly. Ohhh nooo, what was it she was saying to me? I look at her and smile and say

“Really?”

She frowns at me and says

“No, you wasn’t listening!”

How does she know? I ask her to repeat the question and she roles her eyes and replies

“Just forget about it”

I can’t help repeating it in my head in an New York/Italian accent, like in the film, Mickey blue eyes. I hope I’m not the only one to do that!! I ask her again, but she’s already onto her next subject by then, what Sarah did at playschool today. Never heard of Sarah. I find out later on in the story, that she’s a little girl a Per School, but Imogen doesn’t play with her because she plays with Emma, but Imogen plays with Emma, but when Emma plays with Sarah, Imogen doesn’t play with Emma or Sarah!!! My goodness, she’s only three. I ask her about the tadpoles at Pre School. They are watching them grow. Every morning we walk in and she takes me over to see them. She tells me, they have got les and arms now, but they’ve still got long willies!!! Ok, so now I’m on the floor laughing. Can’t breath, might be the pizza, that’s just gone down the wrong way, at this shock announcement!!

Once I have regained my composure, and picked myself up off the floor, I point out to her that those aren’t willies, they are their tales! They will shrink when they grow into big frogs.

“Oh, I thought they were willies, Have they got a willy?”

“ Do you want another drink, or a sweetie, how about the park?”

Not the time or place for a conversation like that!!

I ask Imogen if she is ready to go, and she replies

“No, I have to eat my sandwiches yet!”

A tad confused, I look at her plate, and she has made teeny tiny sandwiches with the croutons and the bacon bits!! Impressed, I ask if I can have one, she carefully picks it up and hands it over,

“You have to bite it, then eat it all up. It’s so yummy Mummy, you will really like it.”

How on earth, do you bite a Bacon bit and crouton sandwich in half? I did it!, not very filling, but isn’t that noveau cuisine at it finest? She’s going to be a genius Chef! My mind racing already, must get her on Britain’s Best Dish, Master chef, all those sky cooking programmes, they’ll want her on talk shows….. THE WORLDS YOUNGEST CHEF!!!  She’ll travel the world, cook for Kings and Queens, the Sultan of Brunei!! Then she brings me crashing back to reality by showing me her Dracula teeth, which are two long breadsticks, put under her lips!! Mmmmm, might have to rethink that plan! I pay the bill and off we go, not forgetting to grab a balloon on the way out, I’m sure she only does it to wind the others up when they get home from school! It’s been gloriously sunny the whole time we were in Pizza Hut, now as I head to the school for the school run, it is absolutely chucking it down, it’s always a nightmare to find a space on days like this. I figure I’m a little early, so it shouldn’t be that bad.

I was wrong.